my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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