Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
