sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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