I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
