He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
