guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
