DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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