I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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