are you still at the devil's house?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
