I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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