Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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