I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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