I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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