we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
