I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
