I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
