he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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