I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
