yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
