How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
