i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
