I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's the barista slut.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
