sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
