I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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