I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
