great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize