And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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