Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
