I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
