Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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