I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
