Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
