just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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