____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
