he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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