Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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