dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
