I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
