don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
