You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
