so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
