kristin has been a bad kristin
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
