So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize