just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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