I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
