I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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