We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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