I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
