I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
