he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
