I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
