i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
