party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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