shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
