By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
