Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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