where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
