Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize