I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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