Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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