I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
