i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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