D3 body, D1 cock
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
